Funny

Tom Mabe likes playing pranks on telemarketers while recording the call. This is a recording of a hilarious telemarketing call. Tom: Hello? Mike: Yes, can I speak with Tom Mabe? Tom: Who’s calling? Mike: This is Mike (beep). You’ve been selected to receive a complete digital satellite system for free. With this, you’re going to… Tom: Um, let me ask you something. Did you know Tom Mabe? Are you a friend of his? Mike: No, I’m not. I’m just calling to… Tom: Hold that thought… hold on one second, alright? (off phone) Hey guys, get really good pictures of the body. Yeah, dust everything down for prints. (on phone) Are you there? Mike: Yeah. Tom: Let me bring you up to speed. You have actually called a murder scene and Mr Mabe is no longer with us. I’m Officer Clarke. I’m conducting a homicide investigation. I want to ask you a series of questions. Firstly, what was the nature of business you had with Tom Mabe? Mike: I, uh, had no business with him. I’m… I’m sorry to have bothered you… Tom: No, no, no hey hold on look, I want to ask you to stay on the phone. This call has already been traced and we may need to you to come here for further questioning. This … Mike: You see, you don’t understand. I’m just calling … Tom: No, no, look, you don’t understand. Unless you want to be charged with obstruction of justice it’s imperative to keep your ass on the phone, Mike. Mike: Or, how about you just talk to my supervisor then? Tom: No no no no we’ll get to your supervisor in a second. Now, give me your whereabouts. Mike: I’m at work. Tom: You’re at work? Mike: Yes. Tom: You being a smartass? Mike: No, sir. Tom: Let me put it to you this way, Mike. Say I want to mail your ass a letter. What would I have to write on the outside of that envelope to ensure that the mailman will deliver it right to your ass? Geographically speaking, Mike, where is work? Mike: 40 West (beep), Middleton, Colorado. Tom: Hold on, that’s 40 … Mike: Yes sir. Tom: Michael, hold on one sec, alright? Mike: Yes sir. Tom: (off phone) Get the Middleton homicide department on the phone. Yeah, give them this information. Tell them there been a talk in connection with a fatal shooting and aggravated robbery. (on phone) Mike, how did you know Mr. Mabe again? Mike: Wait, you’re calling the Middleton police department? I’m hundreds of miles away! I don’t even know the guy… I’m in Colorado! Tom: No, no, it’s not that scary… that’s just a formality. Tell me, have you been to any place other than work, then? Mike: No! Tom: OK, and tell me again what, where were you last night for twenty hours after eight and ten? Mike: I’m not feeling really comfortable with any of this. Tom: Have you even ever spoken to Mr. Mabe, Mike? Mike: No I haven’t. I don’t even know the guy. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you! Tom: OK, very good, calm down, calm down, look, I’ve got one more question for you, Mike. As you well know, I’m sure, Mr. Mabe was a flaming homosexual. There’s no easy way of asking this, I don’t want to embarrass you or nothin’, but, were you his gay lover? Mike: What!? No… what kind of a question is that? Tom: (you just have to hear what he says!) ...

From Lewis Caroll’s Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. These are the quotes I found most… how shall I put it… eye-opening. Paradigm-shifting. “..the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury found it advisable-” “Found WHAT?” said the Duck. “Found IT,” the Mouse replied rather crossly. “Of course you know what ‘it’ means.” “I know what ‘it’ means well enough, when I find a thing,” said the Duck: “it’s generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did the archbishop find?” ...

Video of Guy Kawasaki’s talk on The Art of the Start at TiECon 2006. It’s informative, even if you don’t want to start a venture, but I didn’t know Guy was such a funny speaker! He begins with: Early in my career, I sat through many keynote speeches – at Comdex, at Mac Road Expo. I saw many many hi-tech CEOs speak, and I have to tell you, one thing I noticed is they pretty much sucked as speakers. And the second thing that I figured out sitting in these audiences of sucky keynotes is that if there’s anything that’s worse than a CEO who sucks as a speaker, it’s a CEO who sucks as a speaker and you have no idea how much longer he or she will suck! And so, I have adopted the top 10 format for all of my speeches. This way, if you think I suck, at least you can track progress through my speech. ...

via Vulturo

Funny ads in London. To My Mugger: Last night you stole my phone on Holloway Road, you also stole my heart. I was the tall brunette in dungarees and psychedelic t-shirt, you were the hooded man on the bike. I was captivated by your white teeth and hypnotic eyes. My home number is stored on my contacts under “me”. (Please don’t call me at “me work”, or my boyfriend, “Josh”.) ...

Comments D 9 May 2006 11:45 am: Is x = 5 or am I being naive? S Anand 9 May 2006 4:25 pm: It’s just a funny “cartoon” I saw. The black scrawl is what a student wrote in respone to “Find x” Arun 10 May 2006 4:33 am: :-) lol! that is funny. D 10 May 2006 7:16 am: Thank God! Good one :) dc 22 Sep 2006 3:19 am: ha!!! is the red XO an Elliot Smith reference? who else actually solved for x? S Anand 22 Sep 2006 6:17 am: Uh, who’s Elliot Smith? Nattharat Suaysompol 27 Oct 2008 10:08 pm: MATH HUMOR!! vadivelan 14 Feb 2009 4:21 am: hi, i lough about 30 mts after seeing this. very funny. mr x 25 Sep 2010 5:18 pm: yeah thats wat i did in my maths exam…..haha.. Anamika 1 Mar 2012 5:31 pm: Elliott Smith is an American singer & songwriter. ‘XO’ refers to one of his lyrics (XO, Mom It’s ok, it’s all right, nothing’s wrong) from the song Waltz #2 Here you go & get the meaning of it: http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/17346

How to be a successful Evil Overlord. Hilarious. Some excerpts: My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through. When I’ve captured my adversary and he says, “Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?” I’ll say, “No.” and shoot him. No, on second thought, I’ll shoot him and then say “No.” One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero’s rugged countenance and she’d betray her own father. If the beautiful princess that I capture says “I’ll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!”, I will say “Oh well” and kill her.

Hilarious articles from Ramesh Mahadevan, including the exploits of Ajay Palvayanteeswaran.

Hilarious post on Pallu baby. Nice read, Karthik. Stay on course. Here’s his follow-up (which I can’t find on his blog any more). Confluence 2005 is happening and there are students from so many B-schools who have come down to IIM-A. Some of my friends from BITS, now studying in other B-schools, have come down as well. Yesterday I happened to get a call from one such friend of mine who’s studying in ISB (with whom I wasnt in touch at all). After a couple of hi-bye statements, the first thing she asked me was “How’s Pallu baby? And why arent you blogging at all? Your blog is very widely read in ISB. Everyone knows your blog in ISB. That Pallu baby post was circulated around like crazy.” ...

Hilarious anecdotes from an American teacher in Japan. Comments Anonymous 22 Dec 2005 8:51 am: Good stuff Anand - and great placement of the link on Anecdotes - needed it after the example on leasing !!

Hilarious post on how to stop filesharers from stealing hotel bandwidth. So, I’m in Milwaukee at ye olde Holiday Inn Express. They have a wireless internet connection here and it’s been suckin’ all night, like I couldn’t even do anything on it. I suspected someone running a p2p program and taking up all of the bandwidth, so I fired up ntop to analyze the type of traffic on the network, and just who it was generating it. Lo and behold, someone was running a p2p app, and taking up 1.6Mbit worth of bandwidth. That’s just not fair to the 20 other people on the network, so I decided to boot him from the network. I tried poisoning his arp cache and the default gateway’s cache, but that only works on some wireless access points, apparently not this one. I can’t send an 802.11 deauth message from my OS X box, because the card doesn’t support raw packet injection, so what to do??? I notice that his IP in the ntop interface changed into a name. His windows machine was spewing Netbios packets with his computer name in it. For the sake of his privacy, I’ve changed the name, but let’s say it was “smith-laptop”. So I pick up my cellphone and call the front desk at the hotel and as for Mr. Smith’s room. The lady at the front desk says “Eric Smith?” And I tell her yes. The phone rings, someone picks up, the conversation goes like this: Me: Eric Smith? Eric: Uhh, yeah? Me: My name is Jim Grant, and I’m an investigator with the RIAA. Have you heard of us? Eric: Uhhhhh….. What does that stand for? Me: Recording Industry Association of America. We represent several large record companies. In monitoring several p2p filesharing networks, we have found that you Eric, are currently downloading copyrighted material. Are you aware that this is illegal? Eric: Ummm…. my laptop is off. (At this point, I no longer see him on the network) Me: We are in the process of filing 18182 lawsuits against people who steal copyrighted music on the internet. We will continue monitoring these networks, and if we see you on them again, you will hear back from us. Eric: Ok, thanks. Bye. So, now my network is nice and speedy again. And some guy is in his room trying to dry out his underwear. :) I should have recorded the call since my cellphone has the capability to record conversations. The above conversation can’t even begin to show the fear in his voice. I’m sure he’s scared as hell wondering how they found out his name and that he was staying at a hotel and exactly what room he was in. ...

My Outsourced Life. Hilarious article by AJ Jacobs on how he outsourced his professional and personal life. I think it’s true – hence amazing.

A hilarious chat on IRC about passwords. More at QDB. via Dhar <Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars <Cthon98> ***** see! <AzureDiamond> hunter2 <AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me <Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> ***** <Cthon98> thats what I see <AzureDiamond> oh, really? <Cthon98> Absolutely <AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2 <AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you? <Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as ***** <AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that <Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as ***** <AzureDiamond> awesome! <AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw? <Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ****'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw <AzureDiamond> oh, ok.

Hilarious review of ‘Baba’. Baba is the latest film by Rajnikanth. via Potti

There’s a whole series of articles on Umashankar Dikshit – a Silicon Valley pujari. Not a bad idea – epujari.com (which incidentally is on sale.) Following the articles on Rediff and USA Today, there’s this really funny piece. Now I’ve heard everything. The San Francisco Chronicle reported some weeks ago that a Hindu priest in Silicon Valley called Umashankar Dixit is in great demand to perform Lakshmi poojas when e-commerce startups are launched by Indians, as an increasing number are. Mr. Dixit says modestly that he is considered a ’lucky hand’ because his God is Ganesha, the remover of obstacles. He – Mr. Dixit that is, not Ganesha – has been compensated in cash and stock options by several startups and says he has already done very well from the IPOs of successful companies like Exodus Communications. Rediff’s US edition and USA Today have since come up with their own breathless takes on Mr. Dixit, reporting among other things that he spends an hour every morning, presumably just after sandhyavandanam, on the Internet monitoring the financial markets. ...