Funny

Auto vs GPT

I was crossing a not-too-busy street on a not-too-busy day in Chennai.

I was having a voice conversation with ChatGPT (about the log probabilities of tokens on LLMs, if you’re curious) when I was rudely interrupted by an auto rikshaw rapidly honking at me. “Honk honk honk honk honk” in rapid succession.

Not unusual. Mildly annoying. The street was empty. The auto was empty. The traffic policeman was visible. I gave way and carried on.

A few seconds later, I heard a voice in my ear.

“It sounds like you’re in a good mood! Anything else you’d like to discuss or know more about?”

ChatGPT was still listening (perhaps to background noise) and responding. But I didn’t realize what random noise it thought put me in a good mood. Here’s what I saw on the chat window.

ChatGPT had transcribed the auto’s honking to “Hee hee hee hee hee!”

A client once told me, while visiting Hyderabad, that “these honks in India are a language of their own.” If ChatGPT is to be believed, the autos are laughing at us.

This is, incidentally, the very first time ChatGPT added an exclamation point to my words. I’ve never managed to achieve that so far. No matter how emphatically I spoke.

Also, I’d never have learnt this walking in the streets of Singapore. Friends have warned me about the dangers of long walks on Indian roads. Here’s an example of the lessons we learn — if only we keep our eyes and ears (and microphones) open.

Winning the alphabetical race

Since my name (Anand) begins with “A”, I used to get called on fairly early at school. In attendance. Answering questions. Classroom exercises. Quizzes. Even the distribution of test results.

A few people later told me that it is good training, since I’d always be prepared. (Maybe. I’ve no idea.)

At IBM and IIMB, Ajit was the only one ahead of me, alphabetically. Then he went a step ahead and named his son Aadi. I thought that’s impossible to beat.

Today, we recruited Aabhas Bharadwaj. I checked on LinkedIn. I can’t find a single name on LinkedIn that’s ahead of his, alphabetically.

So, does he win the alphabetical race? Can you find one ahead of his?

Scraping

I was at Cream Centre with my father on a Sunday afternoon. We’d finished a light lunch and were debating dessert. (He has triglycerides. I have cholesterol.) This was my fifth visit this year, and I had abstained so far. I couldn’t any longer.

I ordered a Sizzling Brownie Sundae. But not for reasons you might think.


Expertise comes from experience. I scrape food more than 99% of the people I know. So, I consider myself an expert. Here’s a guide on the art of scraping.

Why scrape food?

  • You get to eat every last bit
  • Food isn’t wasted
  • You can eat longer (and no do whatever else you have to)
  • It’s a motivating challenge to get every last bit
  • Bonus: It annoys people

What foods are scrapable?

Semi-solids are the easiest to scrape. The best kind is the cohesive semi-solid. It’s sticky but sticks to itself more than the vessel. These are usually foods that solidify over time. Examples include:

  • Baked cheese. It’s great when cheese falls off the pizza or pasta on to the plate. You can scrape it off of your (or others’) plates.
  • Molten chocolate. It has the added bonus that you can lick it at the end, too.
  • Pasta water (or noodles water). It eventually thickens into something scrapable.
  • Spreads like peanut butter, Nutella, jam, chutney. Especially on the sides of the glass bottles they come in.
  • Others like yogurt, cake batter, dried tomato sauce, mashed potatoes, hardened honey on ice cream, … the list is endless!

Avoid crumbly stuff. These stick to the vessel but become brittle and break when scraped. This includes toast, pizza, biscuits, rice, muffins, pie, quiche, cookies, etc. You could pick large crumbs and lick small crumbs in shallow vessels. But scraping them and pouring into your mouth might be the best overall strategy for this category.

Avoid loose stuff. They’ll fall off from your knife or fork, or melt when scraped. This includes curd, whipped cream, custard, panna cotta, soft jelly, tiramisu, soft boiled eggs, etc. Licking is a better strategy here.

You could combine the crumbly stuff with loose stuff to create a cohesive mix. Add curd to granola. Add whipped cream to biscuit crumbs. Add curd to pizza crumbs (and since I eat Maggi with curd, this makes sense). This makes it a lot more scrapable.

What vessels to pick?

Shape: Flat, smooth vessels are the best (e.g., ceramic or wooden plates or bowls.) Avoid deep vessels like glasses, especially curved ones. They’re hard to get a long scrape against. Definitely avoid vessels with ridges. Disposable plastic containers like below are among the worst. Food gets stuck in the ridges and since there are a dozen ridges on each side, you have to scrape 48 times just for a first pass. (This might be a good challenge, though.)

Material: Hard vessels are better than soft ones. Prefer wood, metal, ceramic, and hard plastic. Avoid thin plastic that bends. Avoid paper (it bends and soaks). Banana leaves tear when scraped.

Avoid non-stick vessels. The coating wears off when scraping.

What to scrape with?

Knives are the best. They are sharp enough to separate the food from the vessel and flat enough that you can pile enough food on top of it.

Forks are OK. Their edges can scrape reasonably well, and their tips can poke into corners. But it’s hard to pile up much food to pick up.

Spoons not ideal. They aren’t sharp enough, and too curved for scraping long slices. But if you want to take your time with it, they’re great.

The sizzling chocolate brownie

My dish arrived. Burning with chocolate. My father just had some brownie, leaving all the molten chocolate to me. On a flat wooden plate. With a knife. For an hour.

Heaven.

Licking

Last week, I was at IIT Madras for lunch with the faculty.

The dessert was carrot halwa with ice cream. I scraped the last bits with my spoon, but a little ice cream was left over.

I was torn. I CAN’T POSSIBLY waste it. But can I lick it? In public?


I don’t have a problem licking at home. I lick my fingers. Plates. Bowls. Ladles. The cream on milk. The leftover milk in the glass. (If my tongue doesn’t reach that far, I wipe it with my finger and lick the finger.)

That’s why I like ice cream. It’s MEANT to be licked. So are (in my opinion) cereals, savories, oats, honey, … It’s a long list.

Licking is convenient. My fingers stay clean while I type. (Spoons are impersonal. I avoid them.)

Licking is efficient. I can have every last bit of food AND feel good about not wasting it.

Licking makes my dishwashing easier. (But it can be hard to tell if a dish needs washing.)

But most of all, that last lick TASTES SO WONDERFUL!


Before marriage, licking was fine. But my wife worried about my lack of civilized behavior and hygiene. So I’ve had a crash course over the last 20 years.

My current protocol is: don’t lick when people can see you.


So, as I went to drop my plate, I looked around.

Now one was looking at me.

I licked a long lick on the plate.

It was HEAVENLY! Made my day.

Newspapers in Tamil movies

Captain America: The Winter Soldier shows a newspaper with the headline “Howard and Maria Stark Die in Car Accident“.

The movie crew created a newspaper with a realistic font as well as text. It reads:

Howard Star, founder of Stark Industries was confirmed dead this morning after suffering massive internal injuries from a fatal car crash. His Wife, Maria Stark, was also in the car …

Tamil film crews use a less-expensive approach. In Game – Oru Melliya Kodu (2016), I noted that the detective agreement is titled “Partnership Agreement: Mr Akshay and Ms Maaya”. But the contents talk about CorelDRAW and CorelPhoto

Content is central to any project. Whether it’s the perfect font, clipart, photo, a previous project, or a client mockup, CorelDRAW Graphics Suite X5 helps you quickly access content so that you can focus on your design.

Pity this movie crew didn’t use CorelDRAW to create “perfect content”.

In Kee (2019), the Baasha virus has an IP address of 181.589.214.739.023.

In Kolaigaran (2019), this newspaper article starts well:

Hyderabad: Contract killer nabbed by Hyderabad police. A four member team executed the job. Kolavenkat, Chari team lead by Prabhakaran IPS.

… but the font changes mid-way, and so does the text. It goes on to say…

This change of guard could be very important to Trump, almost 18 months into office, in the context of the fact that his political window of opportunity to put an enduring stamp on US foreign policy may soon narrow rapidly — unless he wins a second term in 2020.”

It makes perfect sense that Prabhakaran IPS would influence Trump’s global policy. I’m just noting the typographical and grammatical errors.

I’m not sure if these errors are due to a lack of budget or attention to detail, but it certainly makes my movie-watching experience more fun!


In Cobra (2022), though, I did see an improvement. The Wikipedia page on “Dmitri Yugoslav” is a smart edit of the Wikipedia page on Sergei Shoigu. Even the phonetic pronunciation of his name “Дмитрий Югослав” is correct.

On the other hand, the Telugu movie Liger (2022) sported this YouTube screen. The upvotes rapidly increase from 1,380 to 1,430 — but the number of views is stuck at “10 000 views”.

The Warrior (2022) has a fax message with an order of suspension from the “Comissioner of Police” for the “Superintend of police” where “under ur regime as the superintend of police at kurnool havemisused your power …”

Calvin & Hobbes Salon

This is the Calvin & Hobbes Hair Salon in Hinjewadi, Pune.

Calvin & Hobbes fans might remember Calvin’s hairdresser, Pete, who certainly “knows which side HIS bread is buttered on.”

Maybe I too will go get “the top of my head shaved, and the sides dyed pink and cut in horizontal stripes” 😉

The signboard has a Tirupathi Namam drawn over the names of two famous theologians — both of whom had great hair. That’s a lot of hidden connections!

I was thrilled to see that it’s not the only Calvin & Hobbes salon in India. Google Maps shows almost a dozen! 😲

Happiness generator

In my current thrust towards greater management responsibilities, I have discovered a mechanism for generating happiness.

I set up meetings on important topics. That makes me happy — I’m driving something useful.

Often, the meeting gets cancelled. That makes me happy — I’ve more free time.

It’s the perfect perpetual motion machine.

Hiccups

This morning, I was watching an episode of Finley the Fire Engine in which one of the trucks had hiccups. Reminded me of this Calvin & Hobbes — especially Hobbes’ remark in the second strip.

HIC HIC HIC (hic) I have (hic) have (hic) I (hic) I have the (hic) the (hic) ... the hic (hic) the (hic) What is it? What do you have? A dollar?? A new comic book? What?? The (hic hic) I have (hic) the (hic) the hic (hic) the (hic) ... I love doing this.

Help me (hic) get (hic) rid of (hic) these darn (hic) hic (hic) hiccups! How? (hic) Scare me. OK... Our oceans are filled with garbage, we've created a hole in the ozone that's frying the planet, nuclear waste is piling up without any safe way to get rid of it... (hic) I mean, SURPRISE me (hic). That doesn't?! Boy, you're cynical.

Here. Drinking from the far side of the glass is supposed to cure hiccups. The (hic) far side of (hic) the glass? (hic) How do I (hic) do THAT? You have to bend your head way over. Oh (hic) I see. (hic) Thanks. Now I've got the hiccups AND water up my nose. I think most hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.

These (hic) hiccups are driving me (hic) crazy. Eat a spoonful of sugar. That's supposed to help. I'll (hic) try anything. CRUNCH SMACK SMACK Well? Are you cured? (hic) Nope. I'd better (hic) eat some more.

My hiccups are gone! They finally went away all by themselves! What a relief! AAUGHH! Did I scare you? Did I cure your hiccups? hic hic hic hic hic