This morning, I was watching an episode of Finley the Fire Engine in which one of the trucks had hiccups. Reminded me of this Calvin & Hobbes — especially Hobbes’ remark in the second strip.
My second most favourite series from Calvin and Hobbes, where Dad teaches Calvin the wonders of science.
Mike: Yes, can I speak with Tom Mabe?
Tom: Who’s calling?
Mike: This is Mike (beep). You’ve been selected to receive a complete digital satellite system for free. With this, you’re going to…
Tom: Um, let me ask you something. Did you know Tom Mabe? Are you a friend of his?
Mike: No, I’m not. I’m just calling to…
Tom: Hold that thought… hold on one second, alright? (off phone) Hey guys, get really good pictures of the body. Yeah, dust everything down for prints. (on phone) Are you there?
Tom: Let me bring you up to speed. You have actually called a murder scene and Mr Mabe is no longer with us. I’m Officer Clarke. I’m conducting a homicide investigation. I want to ask you a series of questions. Firstly, what was the nature of business you had with Tom Mabe?
Mike: I, uh, had no business with him. I’m… I’m sorry to have bothered you…
Tom: No, no, no hey hold on look, I want to ask you to stay on the phone. This call has already been traced and we may need to you to come here for further questioning. This …
Mike: You see, you don’t understand. I’m just calling …
Tom: No, no, look, you don’t understand. Unless you want to be charged with obstruction of justice it’s imperative to keep your ass on the phone, Mike.
Mike: Or, how about you just talk to my supervisor then?
Tom: No no no no we’ll get to your supervisor in a second. Now, give me your whereabouts.
Mike: I’m at work.
Tom: You’re at work?
Tom: You being a smartass?
Mike: No, sir.
Tom: Let me put it to you this way, Mike. Say I want to mail your ass a letter. What would I have to write on the outside of that envelope to ensure that the mailman will deliver it right to your ass? Geographically speaking, Mike, where is work?
Mike: 40 West (beep), Middleton, Colorado.
Tom: Hold on, that’s 40 …
Mike: Yes sir.
Tom: Michael, hold on one sec, alright?
Mike: Yes sir.
Tom: (off phone) Get the Middleton homicide department on the phone. Yeah, give them this information. Tell them there been a talk in connection with a fatal shooting and aggravated robbery. (on phone) Mike, how did you know Mr. Mabe again?
Mike: Wait, you’re calling the Middleton police department? I’m hundreds of miles away! I don’t even know the guy… I’m in Colorado!
Tom: No, no, it’s not that scary… that’s just a formality. Tell me, have you been to any place other than work, then?
Tom: OK, and tell me again what, where were you last night for twenty hours after eight and ten?
Mike: I’m not feeling really comfortable with any of this.
Tom: Have you even ever spoken to Mr. Mabe, Mike?
Mike: No I haven’t. I don’t even know the guy. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!
Tom: OK, very good, calm down, calm down, look, I’ve got one more question for you, Mike. As you well know, I’m sure, Mr. Mabe was a flaming homosexual. There’s no easy way of asking this, I don’t want to embarrass you or nothin’, but, were you his gay lover?
Mike: What!? No… what kind of a question is that?
Tom: (you just have to hear what he says!)